I pulled the gleam of silks and satins and other such fineries from their dusty draw last night, and splayed them on the lounge floor.
Pre-loved scarves, shirts and shawls gathered from many an op-shop visit lay at my feet as I imagined the stories they could tell, the lives the women lived, the places they went……dreamt of going. You know of my passion for thrifting, re-purposing, simplicity and travel, well I also love the idea of self sustainability and making my livelihood out of these things……out of the things I love.
Living doing what I love has been my desire for a plethora of time, though now I seem more aligned to act. I am starting by making my line of ‘bags for precious things’ which I posted here three or so months ago.
Truth be told I’ve focussed to hard on the end game, the outcome of where I want to be. The end vision left me with an impossible path, grand canyon in its proportion in the valleys from ‘now’ to ‘there’. A preciousness and perfectionism of ‘this will be the thing’ rode the coat tails of every idea and drive to be creative. The weight of my desired life – ‘another life’ anchoring me firmly in my current position, the distance feeling SO impossibly long to travel that it rendered me unproductive and unmoving.
Try as I might to build my desired life I was my own gatekeeper, never realising the extent to which my forward wanting was holding me firmly fast to the spot. Having a vision of the end game, of the cathedral you want to build is essential, though I hand’t spent enough time chopping the wood and carrying it, let alone any time building and that’s where it’s all at. You have to do the yards, the hard work – every day do something to enable your desire into being. An analogy told to me by my lovely and patient psychotherapist who I used to work with when I lived in Sydney.
I live daily with my tendencies (built from past coping mechanisms) for day dreaming, escaping, retreating, abandoning, scattering focus, anxiety, switching off. I know them well, their well worn pathways and triggers, where they live, who they hang out with, and trust me these are not great allies for follow through. They are the WORST for follow through and have had me on a perpetual merry go round of ‘ideas stage’ and ‘starting’ for what feels like an eternity. Though there is always choice once we are aware of the strings we have allowed to pull our actions. And lets just say the passing of time has done some wonders for shifting their hold. There is nothing like getting older and running out of years to live your desired life to shift the hold of safety and wound.
I digressed there a little, sorry.
Though the stories that pull me in for more are those told with the veneer sanded off. And I didn’t call this blog and my business The Alchemy of Hustle for nothing. At the heart I want to know your wound and your victory because there is something so glorious about rising from the human condition. Glorious. And on occasion I’ll share my foibles and achilles heels on my creative journey.