I’ve spoken about pathways and knowing and following my heart here, and have spoken-written-dreamt about it a zillion times before. It’s the theme that is my theme and has got to the point where I need to find an accompanying soundtrack, its taken on feature film proportions.
Though all roads lead to follow my heart in work-life-home-food-partner I feel novice in my first steps. Full blown novice. I note this because it’s pretty much like that for anyone trying out their chops creating change in their lives. Its a new muscle that needs flexing, and truth be told my heart muscle is-was rather atrophied. Poor wee thing. Previous sailings had me steering the ship from a more control command, left brain approach. So recent adventures have been test runs as I find out how to let go, be in the moment and release expectations + follow my creative heart. Let go-be in the moment-release expectations; now theres a
cluster fuck magical wonderba of a trifecta. Any of my old coaching classmates will attest to watching my brain fry as it tried to get itself around the process of having a desire-goal, doing the work and then letting go of expectations (reminds me a little of that quote from Seneca about luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity) . And five years on from that class I still look quizzically at that trifecta, head tilted, chin cocked, eyes a squinting. Though now at 41 I’m reconciling that the old ways haven’t bore the fruit I was hoping, and my fruitless bowl has me directing my energies towards a touch of heart-brain surgery (non invasive of course).
Though I would say that in defence of my want it now-control-command-want it now ways it takes a bloody deep well of self belief and courage to forge forward doing your thing in the absence of any evidence your on the right track, that your even in a track (not that tracks are important, that got a bit tracky). That you really will manifest what you need-deserve whether that be connecting; to the work you love, your life partner, a healthy relationship with finances, your hearts home etc (and yes they are my core desires and yes they are curiously absent). Please trust me when I say this is not a pity party for moi, I’m just expressing-getting it out, and I wish more people did. Thats one of the joy’s of writing, on a good day it climbs out of my fingers voluntarily, I have nothing to do with it.
Back to manifesting and living from your heart and right brain.
Yes, I get manifestation can appear on the turn of a dime, and that I am the source and centre of my desired life. But for anybody who’s been a dollar short and a day late on where you wanted to be with your beautiful hot mess of a life I just wanted to say I get it. And from all my study-qualifications, reading and discussions with wise-evolved beings it seems all roads lead to bathing in the juices of the right brain while lunging forward in your hearts desire (while living in the present moment, with no expectations, in a vacuum of self belief while letting go). Phew!
Still seems like a tightrope without a net to me, but doesn’t anything new feel a bit like that? Reminds me of learning to drive, I just couldn’t get how I would pull up to a give way sign on a hill, slow-halt the car while changing gears into neutral and putting on the handbrake. It was like fucken Einstein material to me, until I learnt, and now its second nature.
When your sizing up the rest of your life holding the same amount of potential as what you’ve already spent (unless you change it up)……then tightrope it is. And though I’ve never worn a sequinned leotard I reckon I might just giggle it up a bit while wobbling along the the pretty much non existent line Im putting my life on.
This blog is about mine and all of our walks along the tightrope and onto the lush green grass waiting on the other side (actually underneath our feet right now if we just let go). And it will include my resistance-fight as I wrestle from an old way of being borne from a trauma handed to me too early (everybody’s got something). And just so we’re clear, I’m not knocking the left hand side, its got me places,turned me up to work and allowed me to do my job pretty well. Though operating most of the time from that side of the walnut just hasn’t been conducive to me dancing in my joy. I’m going for a tad more colour. And balance.
Heart image: Ann Bond card, photo of card taken in Father Rabbit store.
Brain image: Mercedes Benz graphic.